I am so incredibly delighted to have Sandi Amorim of Deva Coaching with us again! You may remember her marvelous take on passion, so I was simply thrilled when she said she wanted to tackle moxie. What I didn’t know however, was how much I needed to hear what she has to say.
I have been personally struggling with this habit, unable to put together my own post. I’ve become nearly mute on the topic and really wanted this to be the week I broke through. Unable to do it on my own, Sandi shows up with just the perfect wisdom to nudge me, and I hope you into reclaiming our Moxie!
Alrighty then, let’s start this post with a small admission! As I sat down to share my thoughts on moxie, I
was suddenly attacked by a flurry of doubt.
What the heck do I know about moxie? What does it even mean anyway?
So I did what I always do when I question a word’s meaning; I look it up!
noun – courage, determination, energy, know-how, spunk
Those are all good, but I like Kathy’s definition best – not taking any crap from anybody.
I’d just change up the last two words to make it even better – not taking any crap from
Because isn’t it true that you stop you more than anyone?
We beat ourselves up, make ourselves wrong, flail about in the waters of “I’m not good enough” and so on. Oy vay, the drama that keeps us from our moxie.
But here’s the thing I know about moxie…
We’re not taught to celebrate it.
No, no, no, instead, we’re told to:
- suppress it
- keep the lid on
- and never rock the boat!
I was 7 years old, singing and dancing at a family party. Suddenly out of the blue a family member pulled
me aside and said, “Stop showing off!”
I was 14 years old, running for class president. I came in second. Feedback was “You’re too
Now, you might be thinking but Sandi, that wasn’t you, that was other people shutting you down, but
you’d only be partially right.
They said what they said, then you decided something about yourself in those moments and SNAP…
No more moxie for you!
The first instance left me feeling that it wasn’t ok to be myself. I had to “tone it down” and “be a good
girl” and so I tried, I really tried. I became a keener, good girl, straight A student (moxie buried deep, like
lava flowing beneath a volcano’s crust!)
And in the second scenario…well, I tried there too. I decided people don’t like girls who go after what
they want and so I hammered another nail into moxie’s coffin. Funny thing is, looking back I still went
after what I wanted, but I never quite gave it my 100% because that was too intense.
It was a sad, sad state of affairs.
Can you relate? Stupid question. I know you can. I know because I’ve had this conversation
with hundreds of clients over the years. And that’s why I say generally speaking, moxie is not
encouraged or celebrated.
Parents, teachers, society – all encourage playing it safe in a moxie-free life. Doesn’t that break your
Truth is, it’s impossible to express your moxie if you have a negative self-image (created by multiple
experiences like Exhibits A & B). These experiences stack up over time and you actually begin to
forget all the great moments of your life and even some of your greatest successes . You forget about
them and they disappear from your consciousness.
Poof. Like they never happened.
And then you say, “See? I’ve never had moxie.” One more made up decision about you. Not
the truth though; definitely not the truth as you will soon discover!
As if we could play back a film reel, the highlights of your life (instead of the bloopers you’ve probably
been watching over and over!) settle in with pen and paper, and grab some popcorn because this is
going to be good.
Reclaiming Your Moxie
1) Divide a piece of paper into 5 sections with the following headlines.
- Most Successful Times of My Life
- Proudest Moments of My Life
- Most Exciting Times of My Life
- The Funniest Times of My Life
- My Greatest Moments of Contribution (when I’ve made a difference)
2) Leave enough space between those headings to write 5 life experiences that fit each category.
3) There are only 2 rules for this exercise:
- Do NOT edit your thoughts for any experience. If you think of it, it counts, so write it down.
- Do not use any experience more than once and duplicate categories.
You might find this challenging at first. After all, your moxie’s been suppressed for a very long time and
you’ve put up with a lot of crap, from yourself and others. It’s all good though; notice the discomfort if it
shows up and keep writing.
Keep writing. Keep writing. Keep writing.
And as you keep writing notice the energy shifting in your body.
Notice the smile you can’t hold back.
Notice the feel-good energy beginning to flow.
Notice how many times moxie has shown up.
Notice that moxie has been with you all along.
And say a little prayer of thanks.
Now get out there and strut your stuff!
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do
it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Howard Thurman
p.s. Howard’s talking about moxie 😉
Want some help reclaiming YOUR moxie? Sandi has generously offered the following:
Share a challenge you’ve had with moxie (here in the comments ), and you are entered for a chance to win a 45 minute Unleash Your Moxie session with Sandi!
( Or if you don’t want to wait head on over to Deva Coaching to book a session immediately. Winner will be selected Sunday April 15th and announced here.)
Sandi Amorim is a passionate coach and instigator on a mission to wake people up from their ‘someday’ thinking. She shares her slightly mad twist on personal development at DevaCoaching.com
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