Seeing The Whole Instead of The Hole


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Anyone who has connected with me personally or through BeingBreath knows immediately the thoughts that come to my mind when “grieve” is mentioned. For those whoa re new to my stories, let me catch you up to speed in the Cliff Notes version.

On May 23, 2006, we received the phone call. (Doesn’t it always start with a phone call?) My mother, barely comprehensive, told my husband that my father had taken his own life. As unexpected as all suicides are, this one was particularly so – no signs, no clues, nothing to let his wife, his co-worker, his friends, nor his 3 children know this has even been an option.

I didn’t want to write another post about this. I feel as thought I’ve told this story too many times – that my time for grieving should be complete.

But that’s the funny thing about grief. It doesn’t have an expiration date.

You lose something or someone, and you grieve. There is a hold in your thoughts, in your heart, silence on the other end of the phone line. Grief is the grayness that gets scribbled in to fill the hole that you just can’t comprehend.

Where there was once something there is now nothing…and grief helps us hold onto the little outline of what was.

As grief is a deeply personal path, I don’t want to offer suggestions on how to handle it. I want to invite you into a perspective.

If something – a relationship, a favorite mug, a father – is lost, it becomes a dot in the whole of your life that feels erased.

Grief is where we cry and reason and lose all sense of reason. It is where we scribble in the rough outline of what used to be, trying to color in that dot so that it doesn’t feel like such a bottomless hole. It can be overwhelming when we try to grasp, when we become so obsessed with filling in that hole that it is all that we think about.

And this is where the change of perspective can be helpful.

Instead of a dot, what if you saw a circle?

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Image used through Creative Commons License


What if everything existed within, and as part of, a whole? No hole – just whole. When there is a breaking or a death, the circle does not disappear. Only the parts we perceive within it do. Within the circle, colors change and fade and disappear and reappear. The circle remains.

That which we grieve is simply a change within the circle. It is fine and healthy to grieve. But as you do, as you notice the change and feel the loss, so too can you notice the circle. So too can you feel, somewhere deep beneath the pain, a sense of the wholeness that still exists.

And from this place within the circle, you can find the ease of breath that can emerge even through the grief.

We all have reasons to grieve. From one who understand suffering to you who have been there as well, I offer many wishes for you to find the space to grieve, to breathe, and to be.








About Lisa Renee Wilson

I am honored to be your host for this journey! I am an Awareness Artist who shares her world work through Being Breath ( As a parent, artist, contemplative, meditator, yoga practitioner, introvert, runner, blogger, photographer, and iced-chai addict, I practice the art of mindful awareness throughout all of my daily activities. From playing with perspectives to playing in paint, no moments are off limits for exploration.

You can learn more about me over at, connect over on FacebookPinterest, or Twitter, or just stay tuned to hear insightfully honest stories right here at Bliss Habits!

2 thoughts on “Seeing The Whole Instead of The Hole

  1. January Handl says:

    Well said, Lisa. I see gratitude and grief on the same circle…we grieve what we are grateful for when that “hole” first appears.
    In appreciation and love,

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