Surprise! I’m not bashing my husband!

(This is a post that originally appeared in Everyday Bliss, the blog before Bliss Habits. Please enjoy!)

An old favorite of my Sweetie and our Girl!

I am a mommy blogger. My blog isn’t specifically about being a mom but a mommy is what I am. I am also a full time sweetie to my husband. I write “full time” because I mean that no matter where I go I am his sweetie and I am always considering him in what I do and say. As I have been perusing a lot of mommy blogs and hanging out on playgrounds and generally going about my day I am starting to realize that this is not the universal case.

I have overheard women saying things like, “My husband is such an idiot…” or “I wouldn’t trust him for more the an hour at most…” (to be with his own child!) and read on someone’s blog that “Husbands shouldn’t be allowed out of the house or they WILL embarrass you!” Even TV shows are in cahoots with these male bashing gals. The husbands on most sitcoms are fools who need to managed by their far superior better half. I’m don’t watch a lot of current TV but that popular show from a few years back, Everybody Loves Raymond was a good case in point. I wonder if the roles were reversed and the women was being treated like an idiot if the show could have lasted. 

When did it become socially acceptable to bash our husbands? It is almost as if we can’t be in the mom club if we don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I am not married to a saint and it totally drives me crazy when he puts an empty box of something back into the cupboard but do I really need to recount all of his flaws on a regular and public basis? If turn about is fair play what flaws of mine would I be comfortable with Rob telling to his friends? “My wife just can’t seem to get the laundry done.” or “She just can’t seem to put a comb through our daughter’s hair.” Both of which would be valid complaints but I know with certainty that Rob would never think of saying such things to any of his coworkers. What happens in our home really does stay in our house when it comes to him.

But put me on the playground and I sometimes feel I need to have something. Something that can make it look like I am a part of the oppressed mom club and that like the others my man could never understand how hard it is being a mom. This is not to say that moms don’t have it hard because we do but why the heck would we settle for anything less then a full partner in all of it? I think that treating our husbands like idiots perpetuates a cultural pattern that moms have to do it all.

One of my best mommy friends just wrote about a similar thing in her blog. She has two under three and her husband is seen routinely out of the house with the two of them in tow and without their mother anywhere near by!! Eek gads! Can he manage? Does he need help? Women who see him routinely offer assistance because clearly this must be an aberration. That man even packs the diaper bag!! Sadly that line is likely to get a laugh or two. Why the hell wouldn’t a dad be able to do this?

This cultural insistance that our men are stupid is insidious. Well, I for one am going to do my best to resist. My husband has foibles and it could be easy to fall into this trap but it is far more worth my time to talk about the fact that he surprises me several times a week with gourmet meals he cooks himself, that he takes Sweets so I can have a few minutes to myself, that he works really hard so I can have the privilege of staying home to raise her. We look at preschools together, he joins her at her gym and music classes. We are parenting together and a snide quip on the playground hurts me even more then him.  I deserve and have a true partner and you won’t catch me saying any less.



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4 thoughts on “Surprise! I’m not bashing my husband!

  1. Karen B says:

    I totally agree – and surely we all have foibles – it’s what makes us interesting! I do, and my husband does – but that’s why I love him! If we didn’t have them we’d all be the same and that would be boring – and surely if something really bothers you, you should share that with him rather than your friends!

  2. Wow! Alright! This is great. I resist the eye-rolling and ‘well what do you expect, he’s a man’ at every opportunity. Talk about an ‘ism’! With any ‘ism’ we shortchange others and ourselves.

  3. Ravit says:

    Amen. I feel like this is the first time in human history that fathers can be the daddies they want to be and create a wonderful family WITH us. What a great post. So true and beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

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