Doesn’t this time of year have such potential for romance? It’s full of parties and festivities, family and friends, gifts and meals, days free of work and plenty of time. Or not. It’s a time when a lack of someone to share romantic moments with is felt most deeply.
Lack is felt most keenly when we look at others and compare where we are with where they are. It’s a false comparison, as so many are. I found a solution and I stick with it at any time I feel a lack of romance, I call it the art of self romance.
Just imagine, if you were able to stop waiting for someone else to romance you, how much more romantic could you be? And, there’s a bonus in this self romance, it means that when there’s someone else who wants to romance you, you will be able to share your secrets!
It all started for me a couple of years after I was divorced and I was to spend much of the holiday season on my own. I thought of what it would take for me to feel cherished, romanced and loved. I began by flicking through magazines and building a vision of what I thought it was.
I gave myself permission to do what it took to treat myself ‘as if’ I had a romantic partner present. I chose to treat myself just as I would have done if I’d been preparing for more than one. I took the phone off the hook and put up the Do Not Disturb sign on the bedroom door! I prepared my home for a special guest.
I found myself having loving conversations (I got over the fear of someone overhearing me and worrying if they’d send the men in white coats!) This perhaps was one of the most telling memories I have of that first time of romancing myself. I got to liking myself more and more, I said some very lovely things to me. When I went for a walk, I imagined I was holding my hand, just the way I liked it. I would notice things and point them out to myself.
Eating the food I prepared was a pleasure. I created dishes with my favourite ingredients and new recipes. I ate either on a tray or at the table. No pressure, no should, must or have to. I learned to savour each and every mouthful, really appreciating and tantalising my tastebuds. Without guilt I bought myself special chocolates, and let them melt in my mouth, luxuriating in the rich and smooth textures, and I squealed at the rush of liquid released from a soft centre.
I learned to look at myself in the mirror and get used to what was there, not wishing for what wasn’t. I saw myself and found I liked me. I became friends with the lumps, bumps and lines. I took time to slowly and deliberately massage myself with my favourite lotions and potions after a long soak in the warm water where I’d really let myself feel it touch me.
In bed at night my pillow talk conversations were second to none – there was nobody to talk back, rather worryingly though I’m sure I did hear voices! I had lazy mornings with breakfast on a tray reading a book I’d never normally read, just to try something different. I played music which allowed me to soften and flow, to dance or sway to in front of the flames of the fire.
I found out that year, romance is something you can create for yourself when you are willing and by doing so it enables you to be much more discerning about who you choose to be romanced by in the future 😉
Jackie Walker loves to help you love. You can start wherever is most comfortable – either by loving yourself, your relationships, or your world. She lives in Scotland and although not a believer in labels, is a coach, therapist and healer. She has a sense of humour, lightness of being and very grounded approach.
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