Just THRILLED to have the moxilicious Sandi Amorim back with us today. You may remember when she rocked the house with How to Reclaim Your Moxie, in which she shared several ways to get your moxie groove on. Today she’s back with the keys to her kingdom.
Once upon a time you had moxie.
You were born with it.
And then life happened, and your moxie was conditioned out of you, suppressed. I know this from personal experience but also from working with hundreds of people over the years. People just like you wanting to get back in touch with their moxie, but not sure how to do so.
I shared a possible first step my first time here talking about moxie. But it’s an ongoing challenge because your lizard brain will do whatever it takes to keep your moxilicious self suppressed!
Lizzie, as I call my lizard brain, is that primal part of your brain that exists solely for your survival. When Lizzie gets talkin’ in your head it usually sounds like a broken record, stuck on the old stories of your past; stories that displaced your moxie.
FYI. . .Lizzie and moxie do not play well together!
And so I get asked all the time how to kill off that sneaky ol’ lizard. But you can’t kill it off and it’s never going away – and believe it or not, that’s a very good thing!
Instead, I’m going to share a process to turn down Lizzie’s volume so you can get on with what you’re really here for – shining baby, SHINING!
How to Free up Your Moxie
What story’s been keeping your moxie down and what age were you when it first showed up?
Listen, there’s more than one story, and you’re probably thinking you can’t do this exercise because how could you possibly narrow it down? BUT there’s always ONE story that drives Lizzie’s obsession with keeping you moxie-free.
That story. . .what is it?
And here’s a tip: The story doesn’t have to make sense. In fact, it’s usually illogical, but that DOES make sense because a child made it up in the first place!
Here’s my example:
I’m the oldest of three kids, and for the first four years of my life I was the only child in our family. Four years of running the kingdom, the undisputed princess.
Cue grim music. . .
And then my parents brought home a bundle of joy that completely blew up my world. When my sister was born my moxie lost some steam and a new story emerged.
“There must be something wrong with me because mom and dad had to get a new kid, so I guess I’m not good enough.”
I’m not good enough.
That story lived like the truth and each time I said it, thought it, and believed it my moxie shrank back just a little bit more.
Right then, back to you. You have your version of my example.
What’s your primary story?
Chances are as you let your story rise to the surface your breathing will get a bit shallow, your shoulders might feel a bit tense as you resist, not willing to go further.
And therein lies the key to freedom and getting your moxie back.
That you don’t let yourself go there allows the story and Lizzie’s obsessive replaying of it to dominate your life, keeping your moxie buried so deep there’s not even a whiff of it.
This is your opportunity to be with it. And notice all that comes up. Trying to get rid of it or kill it off will only have Lizzie dig in her heels!
Keep breathing and noticing. It won’t take long for the story, and the anxiety along with it, to begin to dissolve. Do this each time it rears its nasty head and you’re moxie will begin its return.
This exercise is based on the Zen Theory of Change which says,
I free myself not by trying to free myself but my simply noticing how I am imprisoning myself in the very moment in which I am imprisoning myself.
Yowza! Trapped by your own thinking.
Which brings me to the next question.
What are you so afraid of?
Say it. Name it. Get it out of your head, as detailed as you can so that you begin to hear the ridiculous nature of that story.
Riduculous because you’re now an adult believing a story made up by a child under stressful circumstances.
Here’s the thing, when Lizzie turns up the volume increasing the level of your anxiety, you’ll immediately go back to the past to find evidence that your story is real. And when you give in, you block your natural, creative, resourceful abilities unless you return to your breath and noticing.
And what there is to do is notice and breathe. Notice and breathe.
Maybe you’re saying, “Don’t tell me to keep breathing, it takes more than that to get my moxie back!”
If you say so, yeah, it does.
But what have you got to lose but some old stories and a smelly lizard breathing down your neck!
And more importantly, what have you got to gain?
Hello moxie and welcome back!
That was awesome Sandi! In my story “I disappoint” my Dad. No full self expression in disappointment! Even today I worry about being a disappointing wife and mother (and even blogger) not living up to everyone’s expectations. It is only when I give up that story that I am able to enjoy the juice of living. Thank you so much Sandi! I promise when I feel old Lizzy pushing the old narrative I will give it up and let my moxie shine! ~Kathy