The secret of never having to “work” at your relationship

I’m just thrilled to have the incredibly romantic duo of Chris and Laura from Two INFPs with us for four articles on Love. In the third of their series on the Greek types of love (storge, philia, eros, & agape), today Chris takes a closer look at eros.

"I'll find you" by Nidhi Chanani
“I’ll find you” by Nidhi Chanani


Before I sat down to work on this article, my better half Laura mentioned to me that she wrote about “Storge” and “Philia” because she felt those were not as fun as the other two types of love as defined in the Greek vocabulary. She saw it as her own brand of chivalry to take on what she perceived as “worse” in this situation.

In the process, she gave me a wonderful example to describe Eros, the Greek word for passionate and romantic love.

I find myself doing the same types of actions that she does. If we are splitting a plate of food, I always try to leave the parts that look most appetizing for her. I also try to take on the chores that I know she doesn’t prefer to do. There are a myriad of other little things that happen throughout the day where both of us operate the same way.

The sentiment behind all this is that we want to make the other person feel as happy as they make us ourselves. Eros is the strongest type of love a person can truly share with another person, and the beauty of it is that it is not only selfless, but cyclical as well.

If you take a look at our blog, Two INFPs, you will notice we often reference The 5 Love Languages, a book by Dr. Gary Chapman. This is because it is the essential book on describing how to show the person you are in a relationship with that you care about them. If you are aware of the book, you’ll notice that the above examples describe the “Acts of Kindness” love language.

How does this all tie together? Well, if you are reading this website in an effort to cultivate bliss in your life through habits, then the most important thing you can do if you are in a relationship is to build and maintain your Eros.

The way to doing that is for both members to continually act selflessly in their actions, and always find ways to show the other person that you care about them. Identify how both people in the relationship feel love, and they will both have the keys to being in a blissfully happy relationship.

All it takes from there is forming the habits of doing all the little things to show the other person you care. Once those habits are formed and take root, having an amazing relationship is easy and natural. You never “work” at your relationship; you simply put in the effort of maintaining your habits from day to day.

The rewards from Eros are perhaps the best as well. No other love allows you to fully give yourself to another person, and be accepted for who you are.

If you haven’t found the person that you can share this with yet, don’t despair! You can practice your habits and have them ready by treating yourself with love and kindness first until that person comes along.

I’d encourage everyone to take a step towards this as soon as you are done reading this article. Don’t wait; just get up and do one tiny thing for the person you are with. Maybe it is putting a small chocolate on their bed pillow, or maybe it is getting a few candles out to enjoy a candlelight dinner even if you only are having macaroni and cheese. Take 30 seconds to find some candles to make it the most romantic macaroni and cheese meal ever and show the other person you love them. Go, now!



Christopher Thomas shares writing duties with his better half, Laura, for their blog Two INFPs. So if you enjoyed this article, he’d love it if you checked out his other thoughts on relationship advice over at He’d also like to hear from you directly, so feel free to send off an email or connect with him and Laura on Twitter. He’s going to stop typing in third person now.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *