Why aren’t we taught this obvious relationship truth?

Linda Adsetts and The Group are here with their weekly Go for the Joy message. Enjoy!


"Love Energy" by Vero V. Bahman
“Love Energy” by Vero V. Bahman

I read a book a number of years ago called The Five Languages of Love written by Gary Chapman. His premise is that we all have different love languages and rarely are they the same. The five are these; Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch.

We develop our languages based on how we view relationships as we are growing up. What is a declaration of love by one person could land like a cold wet fish on another. We are all very different.

Why oh why aren’t we taught this obvious relationship truth?

As children we view the world around our parents, the media, our friend’s families and determine what the language of love looks like. But how many of us had a conversation, with our parents while were growing up, about relationships.

I rarely got to see my parents fight. It was always done behind closed doors. But, I grew up knowing that a relationship includes some conflict and that is okay. I grew up seeing a marriage that had its ups and its downs; a marriage that had it’s own rhythm.  What I didn’t learn was how to deal with conflict. I had no model for it.

No one bothered to inform us what was going on.  Sometimes I thought it was my fault or my brothers. (smile) A few words from mom or dad could have changed everything. I might have been more prepared to own my anger and my truth in my first marriage. I might have seen the lines in the sand drawn by my mom or my dad and been able to do the same for myself.

My father’s primary language of love was acts of service and physical touch. My mothers’ primary language was physical touch and receiving gifts.  My father was home a lot and engaged in with his family.

My husband grew up in a family where his parents were not in love and his father was frequently not home or engaged when he was.  You can imagine how that plays out in our relationship. He is engaged in his family when he is home and being together a lot, means that I love him.

Romance is not always candlelight and roses. Romance is often the nitty gritty day to day living with a partner, the other parent to your child, the one you decided you would walk through your days with.

Romance is cleaning your partner’s car. It is putting the kid’s to bed when it isn’t your turn. Romance is buying her flowers, just because. Romance is buying his favorite wine and picking up his sushi because he likes it.

Romance is not giving away parts of yourself, in order to fit into someone else’s language of love.

Too often we think that if only we did this or that, we just might get the romance we deserve. Maybe it is time to romance ourselves. Maybe we have to give to ourselves what we need. Maybe we have to ask for what we need.

Sometimes, romance will blossom in the most improbable way-just when you thought you couldn’t take it anymore, the rhythm changed and one look, one touch ignited the flame once more and you found yourself in total gratitude for your partner.

Maybe romance is about gratitude. Maybe if we could learn to be in gratitude for the small and large acts of love, the different languages that present themselves, we could have a bit of romance everyday. I think this is what we should be teaching our children by example and conversation, starting when they are young. This way when it comes time, to be in a relationship with a significant other, they have the tools that will help them navigate the windy roads with grace and patience.

“ Gratitude is a far better word for love in your world. The word love is used so frequently and has so many different meanings for you, depending on your experiences, that there are more often than not many misunderstandings.

But, if you were to say to your lover, your child, your parent, your friend; I am in deep gratitude for who you are and for your being, I am in appreciation of you and what you do. Thank you!  What would it mean to you to hear that on a day when you were feeling less than appreciated? What would it mean to your child to know that they mattered? What would it mean to a friend to hear those words?

And so it is-you know what if would feel like and we offer to you these words. We are in deep appreciation for who you are and your courage to walk upon planet earth yet again, expanding the possibilities of future generations of your planet and of the universes.

Romance yourself, dear ones, so that when the time comes that someone else romances you, you are able to receive it. Maybe it won’t be in the language that you are most familiar with, but it won’t matter, because you dear one will feel the language of love and be in gratitude for the gifts inherent in the energies.

It is all about energy after all. That is why children get so confused. They feel the energies that are being flung about in the household and when the words don’t match the energies, they are confused. It is why you have become confused.

Look past the language and feel the energy that surrounds it. Sometime the box of chocolate is not romantic and a single daisy picked is. It is all about the energy.

You can feel it. You know and that is why you get so upset when the words don’t match the actions. Maybe you can begin a new conversation that includes words of gratitude and the languages of appreciation.  Maybe you will see that when you give to yourself that which fills you up, you will be able to overlook the mishaps and miscommunications. If you are reading this, then you are able to do this. You can be the one that changes everything. You can be the author of a new story-one of joy.

Go For It

Linda and The Group



Linda Adsetts is a  healer, medium, psychic reader, channeller and writer. She receives channelled guidance and inspiration from The Group, a gathering of spirit who teach that our souls’ path is best expressed when we come from a place of joy. You can read how Linda got started down this fascinating path here and on her website where she shares daily messages from The Group.

Join her each Friday on Bliss Habits for an inspiring take on each of the habits.


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